I am inspired by everything around me, especially by what I read on social media. Last week, my friend Alison posted the following on the first day of school; “we need to care less about whether our children are academically gifted and more about whether they sit with the lonely kid in the cafeteria”.
I could not agree more.
Growing up, my parents encouraged my siblings and I to be the very best. Not academically, but to be the very best Adam, Jordan, Ryan and Jennifer we could be. Comparisons were never drawn to each other (thankfully).
My older brother Adam is usually the smartest guy in the room. Even in high school, he would sit on the couch in the basement, watch television and ‘study’ for his exams. Each and every time he would pass with flying colours. But Adam is also the most humble guy in the room – so I will boast for him. His greatest quality is his ability to rationalize in any situation, even under duress. Adam has counseled me for over 45 years. He truly has a great heart.
My younger brother Ryan operates in a similar fashion. Similar to Adam, he would study last minute for his exams and receive amazing grades. Ryan is just as brilliant as Adam but in a very different way. He is a genius in the creative world. He has edited everything I have ever written with the exception of my blogs. It’s fitting that he now lives in New York, leading the charge at a well known firm. But if you ask me what Ryan’s greatest quality is, I’ll tell you it’s his heart.
And then there is my sister, Jennifer. She is the youngest of the bunch and the only girl.
She was also the hardest worker among us. She did her school work on time and studied hard for every single grade she ever achieved.
Jennifer is brilliant too. Alongside my sister-in-law Michelle, Jennifer is the most amazing teacher I know. But her greatest quality- definitely her heart.
And then there was the black sheep of the family (I say that somewhat tongue-in-cheek). Moi! I was the ‘B-ish’ student. I would be rewarded with grades when I studied, and since I rarely did, I also rarely received an ‘A’.
But I did excel in one area – I had a good heart.
the barbershop
When I was younger (and had hair) I would frequent the same barbershop for my monthly haircuts. After each visit, I was rewarded with a lollipop. Each and every time I took four, one for each of the Wagman kids. I only recall this story so vividly because it was an act my mom would remind me of throughout my life. Sharing and making others feel good has always been a natural goal.
Do you remember the television show Extreme Makeover? In every episode, a team of carpenters and designers would rebuild a home for a deserving family that had gone through some sort of gut-wrenching tragedy. The team were really rebuilding lives and I cried during every episode. That is the way I am and I am proud to say, that empathy has rubbed off on my children.
Whether we are driving and see a person in need or walking and see someone who looks or acts a little differently, I see how my children react; they’re curious, concerned and feel the urge to help.
As they get older my kids are learning that not everyone needs or desires their help. But they are thinking about the right thing-how to change things for the better. That makes me proud.
They appreciate their super power.
spiderman and batwoman
I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs but it’s worthy of mentioning again; my children were born with super powers. Yes, that is right! Weren’t yours? I believe all children everywhere, are born with the same power; the ability to affect change.
When Jonah was in grade 4, there was a boy in his class who didn’t have a ton of friends and was constantly being left out. Jonah, with some nudging from Tamar and I invited this boy over for a play date. It was the only one they ever had and afterward they became friends. I’m not telling you that Jonah changed this boy’s life but I am telling you that when they became friends, things changed for that boy.
In June, as I heard the Principal call his name to receive his grade 8 graduation diploma the entire graduating class stood and cheered. I cried. It was a moment I will never forget. Both Tamar and I believe that Jonah affected that boy in a positive way.
Just like my siblings and I, my children have been given all of the tools they need to scholastically succeed. And from the day they were born they have also been taught to have the best tool of them all, possess a good heart.
Yes, my siblings are successful in their respective careers but the one quality that really stands out is their heart. All the money in the world cannot buy a good heart. So, Alison’s quote was right on the mark. Feeling empathy can help make you a better person and when you are a good person you are successful in life.
I may not have received an ‘A’ in school but I am getting an ‘A’ in life. So are my siblings and our children. And each and every one of us would definitely sit beside that lonely kid in the cafeteria. Wouldn’t you?
Much love,
– Chef jw
