In my Clean (your) Soul Food cooking classes I usually begin by introducing myself, explaining my culinary background, and what ultimately led me to eating clean. I also explain how me and my guests are a lot alike; I come home from the office, and like you try to figure out what to make my family for dinner after a long day of work. With some preparation and forethought, I make do. I share tips about food preparation, offer tricks with regards to technique and give lots of info on proper food storage and how to take advantage of fresh seasonal produce with your hard-earned money.
I’m also very open about my skin condition and the treatments I’ve encountered throughout my lifetime. I’m eager to share the best treatment I’ve found to date; removing refined sugar, gluten and dairy from my diet.
But, there is one thing about myself that I keep private (ish). I still I deal with rejection from others as a result of how my skin might look – and that still hurts. No matter how infrequently it happens. Sure, I’m honest and spill my guts out in my writing and in my classes, but only to a point.
There are a few times in my life where someone’s words have caused me significant pain. It’s important to explain to everyone, that people who suffer with Psoriasis have scars and wounds on our bodies. But those internal scars and wounds dwarf the ones you see on our skin.
No matter what the age, 13, 25 or 45 years old – words hurt.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my experience in Jamaica. If you missed it, here’s the short version; years ago, just before my wedding, I accepted a job in Jamaica to become the Executive Sous Chef at a resort in Negril. At the end of my second trip to the island after scouting for a place to live, I was asked to meet with the management team, and I was told that nobody would eat the food I cooked because of my Psoriasis.
It was a crushing blow to my soul and a feeling I will never forget.
Yesterday I was blindsided by that same soul crushing feeling.
But this time, years later, I was better equipped to deal with the hurtful words AND my feelings.
The PStory
Last week, I took part in a charity event. Outside of teaching, the vast majority of what I do in my culinary world, is charity work. Whether cooking for the homeless, with kids at schools or singing as part of a charity production, I want to give back. It’s just that simple. I’d like to think both Tamar and I set a pretty good example for our kids, Jonah and Jamie. So, I do it for me as much as for them.
The charity event started out perfectly. It was a gorgeous day to be outside, and it felt great to be helping to raise money for a charity close to my heart. I was really excited to be there, and from the feedback I received, it was some of the best food served that day.
Everything was moving along smoothly until a gentleman (I use the word loosely) walked up to me and said, “I would eat the food, except that you are using your hands and you have Psoriasis”.
Wow. Seriously?! I thought to myself, who in their right mind would say those words? Yes, I have had ‘P’ my entire life, and yes I speak to people daily/weekly/monthly to assist in the fight against this disease. But I am also a HUMAN and I have feelings! His words really stung as memories and feelings of Jamaica came flooding back. I didn’t know what to say, but I took a moment, gathered my emotions and then suddenly, the words just came:
“I am here, serving you food because of my Psoriasis. My disease has taught me empathy, and it has also led me down a path of finding health. I am here, serving you food, trying to educate others on how amazing food can be without dairy, refined sugar or gluten. That’s why I’m here”.
I don’t know what he was thinking, as he walked away. But unfortunately, my day was ruined. I felt horrible about myself, and no matter how many compliments I received, I was only focused on the one negative, (and he didn’t even try my crab cakes)!
Every day, I put myself out there for all to see. What you see is what you get, and I have nothing to hide, especially not my skin. Why doesn’t everyone understand that we are all equal? In my life I’ve worked with dishwashers, nannies, tow motor drivers, truck drivers, furniture assembly workers, celebrities, VP’s and presidents of companies – and you know what?! I treat everyone the same way; the way that their father, mother, son or daughter would want them to be treated – with respect.
This situation reaffirms why I’m working as hard as I am to make a difference. I want to continue helping you in your life: whether through kitchen tips and tricks, cooking classes or through stories of how I healed my Psoriasis. But I also want to EDUCATE those who don’t suffer. I want people to learn about our disease and how to (appropriately) approach people with Psoriasis.
With curiosity and empathy.
In P-Summary
Why this person would choose to say something so hurtful instead of nothing at all, will remain a mystery to me. But here’s the thing; it matters. In earlier blogs, I’ve spoken about my children’s ‘superpowers’ and how from the day they were born, Tamar and I have taught them to use those powers for good. In our world, that can be something as simple as extending an invitation to a birthday party to someone that’s been left out, or always trying to be kind with your words. My children do this because they understand the affect they can have on someone’s life. Small gestures can have a HUGE impact.
Yesterday, you sir, impacted my life.
Your comments accomplished a few things; make no mistake, I was hurt and embarrassed, but I was more embarrassed for you. You also reaffirmed why I’m doing all of this in the first place; To help people who suffer with Psoriasis, not only through food but how to deal with ignorance, like yours. I need to work harder to educate. I need to work harder to teach people about my struggles. And I need to let people know that those struggles are both physical and mental.
You should be as ashamed of your behavior as I am proud of my response to yours.
I am proud to be me. I like the ‘me’ that I’ve become and I’ve spent years becoming this person.
To those who need my help, I’m here, and to those whom I’ve helped, I’ll continue to work hard to be here for you. Finally, to those who I have yet to help, I look forward to meeting you. Anywhere, anytime.
My name is Jordan Ross Wagman and I have Psoriasis. And I have the scars and wounds to prove it.
– Chef JW
